NNY VS what ever comes his way
by catmagnent
Summary: Its a collection of diffrent short stories. Rated for some bad language and maybe graphic content. Enjoy them nonetheless.
1. Chapter 1

A.N: browser screwy. So if I don't capitalize my words or names,, I'm sorry. but this little collection popped into my head. so enjoy them as they come into being.

disclaimer: i dont own jthm. it would be cool though if i did.

•••••••••••the dreaded potato chip assortment bag••••••••••••••••••

todd had been wanting potato chips. he decided to use his own money and go to the store, and get a bag of assorted potato chips.

"what the fucking hell?" yelped nny as he eyed the huge bag of assorted chips on the counter.

"its assorted potato chips dad. open the bag and find a flavor you like. there should be some bacon flavored ranch dorittos in there." said todd as he crunched away on his favorite flavor of pretzels.

nny opened the bag to peer inside with an eye of scrutiny. 'nacho, cheezy poofs, pretzel rings, honey mustard flavored pretzel mix, and bacon ranch flavored dorittos'.

nny pulled out all three bags of the bacon ranch flavored dorittos. and ran into his room giggling like a giddy school girl.

he opened his mini fridge and grabbed a bottle of cherry water, and sat cross legged on his bed watching happy noodle boy on dvd.

todd peeked into his dad's bedroom.

nny was laughing maniacally at hnb dvd #2, episode 21- the dog park incident.

then as his cartoons ended, nny realized he was out of bacon flavored ranch dorittos. he needed more.

"todd!" called out nny "we need more bacon ranch flavored dorittos."

todd hung his head. "did you eat all those bacon ranch dorittos?"

nny got this wide eyed crazy look on his face.

"more bacon ranch dorittos,," said nny in a slow monotone voice "go get mmmmmoooorrrree!"

todd backed away from his dad slowly and cautiously.

"okay dad." said todd as he grabbed his bilfold and closed the door behind him.

he could hear his dad calling out for more dorittos.

todd practically ran to the store and bought a case of bacon ranch dorittos.

he used the appliance dolly to wheel them back home.

"dad?" called todd softly "where are you?"

then todd heard the fourth dvd set of hnb playing. 'he's in his room'.

todd wheeled the case of chips into his dad's room, and backed out quickly.

nny dove in head first into the case of bacon ranch dorittos,, and as chip crumbs flew and empty bags began to fly out of the room,, todd knew he had made his dad happy.


	2. Cherry freezie challenge

A.N: this is going to be a small collection of stories I will be writing as they pop into my head.

disclaimer: so not mine. jthm belongs to jhonen vasquez.

••••••••••••the cherry freezie challenge•••••••••••••••

nny was heading down to the quickie mart to get a cherry freezie and go about his sordid day ahead.

on the window he noticed a sign "take the one quart cherry freezie challenge today. if you can drink down a one quart cherry freezie without passing out from brain freeze, you win another quart cherry freezie and a thousand dollars cash."

'a cherry freezie and a thousand bucks cash? oh hell yeah!" thought nny as he went inside.

someone had been wheeled out by paramedics earlier from severe brain freeze.

nny was going to try.

"im gonna win this contest." said nny.

so the clerk made the one quart cherry freezie and gave it to nny.

"you have five minutes to drink the entire contents of that container in order to win the contest." said the store manager.

so they put five minutes on the clock, and nny set to work on the cherry freezie challenge.

he made it halfway through before he realized he couldnt feel his tongue anymore. a few more gulps and he felt like he had swallowed a block of ice that was sitting in his gut. and as he reached the bottom of the quart container, he suddenly felt the urge to belch. and he belched silently and finished off the freezie. he had two minutes to go. and once he slammed the container onto the countertop he was declaired the winner.

"we have a winner!"


	3. todd freaks nny out

A.n: in this one nny is gonna freak out when todd tells him he has a job and is getting a car. and yes, i intentionally misspelled doritos in the first one. bwhahahahahaha.

disclaimer: i have never owned anything including jthm.

•••••••••••todd gets a job••••••••••

"dad? dad?" called out todd excitedly "i got some good news."

nny walked out of the bathroom and looked at todd.

"okay son, what is this good news you got?" asked nny who was still trying to finish shaving his face.

"i got a job as a cashier at the shop and saver grocery store." said todd.

nny stopped mid stroke. "you what? you did ...got what?" stammered nny.

"i applied for a cashiers job yesterday at the shop and saver grocery store. and i got interviewed today and worked on the job for four hours learning the ins and outs." said todd.

"so thats where you have been all day practically? working?" said nny.

todd shook his head yes.

"well, im proud of you son. you graduated from high school, and now you have a job. good for you." said nny as he finished shaving.

"i also got my driver's license and a car." said todd.

nny stumbled into his chair in shock suprise.

"when did you learn to drive? and when did you get a car?" asked nny.

"i learned to drive when i was in high school. and my old drivers ed teacher got divorced and sold his wife's car to me for a whole dollar." said todd.

"what kind of car is it?" asked nny.

"its a 1999 lincolin mkz." said todd "i have the title changed over to my name,, and its paid for. "

"is there any other suprises i dont know about yet?" sighed nny

"i have a girlfriend,, and im moving out in three weeks." said todd.

nny smiled a genuine smile.

"im proud of you son. you are a man now. when are ya gonna marry your girl?" asked nny.

"im gonna propose to her tonight over supper at noomi's pizzaria." said todd.

••••••••••••••••three weeks later•••••••••••••••••

"you are cordially invited to attend the wedding of todd charmichael to michelle swentco. it will be at st. belfire church at second ave. and overton rd.

at noon. formal dress is in effect. men- suit and tie or tuxedo, women- dresses or skirt and blouse.

the wedding date is set for june 2, 2001."

"thats tomorrow." said nny.

"todd told me to try on the suit. and i suppose i better."

so nny tried on the suit todd had bought for him.

it fit him like a glove.

•••••••••••••the next day••••••••••••••

nny got up and showered and shaved. then put on the suit and tie.

he looked good. like a proper gent.

he combed back his jet black and gey streaked hair and that made him look distinguished.

after a good breakfast of ham and eggs and toast, a car pulled up in the driveway.

todd walked in.

"hey dad looking good." said todd "im here to collect you and then we are off to the church."

"how am i supposed to get back home? after you and the new take off for the honeymoon?" said nny.

"here dad." said todd as he handed nny a set of keys.

"these are for your car."said todd.

just then nny looked at his watch. "lets go todd. or you are gonna be late."

after the ceremony, todd took his dad outside into the parking lot. and they walked up to a newish 1994 black chevrolet impala.

"this is your new car dad." said todd.

nny wiped tears from his eyes. "thanks son".

nny had fun driving his car all over town. now he didnt have to walk anyplace or take the bus.


	4. old habits

A.N: its true. The old addage says "old habits die hard." And in nny's case its so true.

disclaimer: i dont own jthm.

•••••••••••••old habits..die so hard. so very hard••••••••••••••

since todd had moved out,, started a new job, and got married nny had become bored all over again. he decided to take up his old habit...killing pests. people pests.

and nny was going to get himself back into killing form. he polished his knives, and his scythe. he was preparing another lethal batch of acid bleach drip.

just then, he had a victim. a man selling makeup door to door.

"do come in. " said nny.

as the salesman made his sales pitch and as soon as he turned to grab more cologne samples, nny ran foreward and stabbed him in the ear with his long blade.

the salesman shuddered and fell over sideways.

"one more for the patchwork quilt." said nny.

when nny stripped off the man's clothing, nny had taken notice that he had tattos all over his body.

"this is gonna make a wonderful colorful addition to the quilt." said nny as he stripped the skin off the male corpse.

it took him twelve hours to stitch the new skin to the quilt and then treat the quilt so it wouldn't rot or stink. then he sewed on the inner lining and then the back and bagged it up. he called the goodwill store and had them come to pick up the quilt donation he had promised.

todd called his dad from hawaii.

"hey dad,, how are you doing?" asked todd.

"im fine. i took up my old habit." said nny.

"you what? " said todd in suprise.

"you heard me,, im ridding the world of pests again." said nny bluntly.

"as long as you are happy dad. thats all that matters." said todd "i went surfing today and you might become a grandpa."

"a what?!" said nny

"a grandpa," said todd "i found out three days ago."

"a grandpa?" said nny "grandpa nny. i like the sound of that."

"when i find out more details dad, i will let you know." said todd.

"thanks son." said nny.

"gotta go dad. its supper time here." said todd.

••••••both hang up without saying bye•••••••

••••••five months later••••••••••••

"dad? guess what?" said todd excitedly "she's pregnant with twins!"

"cool. twins you say? awesome." said nny as he drained the blood from his latest victim.

nny listened to todd rattle on and on about his wife, and his new position at the grocery store.

"okay todd i will talk to you tomorrow. bye." said nny.

when he hung up the phone, he fired up the chainsaw and made easier work for the industrial shredder to make mulch.

•••••••••••••••••••the ninth month•••••••••••••••••••

todd called his dad ecstatically "dad,dad,dad!" blurted out todd "shes at riverside hospital, and she just gave birth to twins! im a daddy now. one boy and one girl,, nine pounds and eleven ounces each."

nny smiled. his once jet black hair with grey streaks had turned grey and white. very small signs of the jet black hair he once had. he had gotten old. at fifty nine years old he had turned totally grey.

"thats good son. congratulations. one of each,, i would like pictures. " said nny as he slit the throat of his latest pesky pest..another religious door to door "have you found jesus today?" person.

"show me tomorrow." said nny "im busy."

when nny hung up he looked down upon his victim and said "now you can play my game. its called "is there a God?"

"dad?" called out todd as he pushed open the door, "dad?! where are you?"

todd checked the basement levels, nothing.

he checked the attic,, nothing.

he even checked the garden, nothing.

he checked the mulch pile under the shredder. bingo.

his dad had been added to the mulch pile along with his last victim of the day, a three hundred pound luchadore super heavyweight wrestler.

so todd took it upon himself to spread his dad's remains under the canna lillies and around the hydrangeas, and even around the roses and in the veggie garden.

by harvest time for the veggie garden,, he had record size tomatoes, and enormous cucumbers,, and salad plate size onions. he took first place at the county fair.


	5. irkin invasion

a.n: my sister randomplotbunny, wrote one like this..but dib was made out to be a chicken shit. so graciously..i decided to actually do something zim couldnt do, kill dib and take over the world. hang on readers.

"that was fun last week wasnt it gir?" asked nny as he held the little dog things hand.

gir looked up at nny and smiled. it still had bits of tacos and refried beans still stuck to its costume. nny couldnt help but to smile. he often hated cute things, but gir was diffrent. it was a robot pretending to be a doggie. nny and gir walked back into taco hell, and ordered.

"i want a double taco grande meal with a mexican pizza, and a large cherry freezie. and this little guy will have the family size grande meal. 5 tacos, 6 burritos, two nacho supremes, and choco cinnamon twisties. and a large fooz cola." said nny.

gir closed his eyes and smiled.

then dib walked in again. he never saw the horror of the last attack from that tall, thin creepy guy with gir. but dib didnt have long to live. he got away last time, today will not be his lucky day at all.

"look its dib from down the street." called gir as he pointed to dib slurping on a fuzz cola. dib was buzy looking over a case file he had collected from zim last week. zim was still trying to figure out how dib stole the case file that contained information on the invasion of earth, and the conquest of the human race.

nny couldnt stand it any longer, dib kept eyeballing him, like he was a private eye keeping track of his movements for the police to scruitnize.

but he was going to savor this killing. it was going to be quick, yet merciful. but for now, there was good mexican food to be eaten and then he was going to rid the world of one creepy kid.

gir was going to be one of his biggest helps.

dib was wrapped up in studying space photos and the invasion plans written in the irkin language. only gir could translate.

"okay kid, your time is up." mumbled nny. he got up quickly and quietly crept behind dib, and used a spork to pluck out both of his eyes, and then tossed him head first into the deep fat fryer.

dib screamed and then fell silent. his bones sunk to the bottom of the fryer and was later fished out by the fry cook. nny and gir collected the file dib had stolen and left. nny went inside zim's house when he took gir home. nny looked over the file and got curious. "hey gir, what does this say?" asked nny.

gir looked at the papers and replied "they are plans for the invasion of earth and the enslavement of the human race." said gir as he turned back to watch cartoons.

"cool. lets make the invasion happen. and go blow up some places. what do you say gir?" asked nny happily.

"yeah, lets go for a ride." squealed gir.

so gir followed nny down to the basement and they got inside the battle pod, and nny lifted off and began to fly around blowing things up.

zim got caught out in the laser blasts and was killed. gaz, was wounded and didnt care, she was on level 88 of killer pigs from blurkon.

the professor, dib and gaz's dad was at work trying to get the defender pod working to combat the alien threat blowing up the city. his lab was blown up when nny had dropped a sinkhole mine by accident. gir was having a blast. nny had taken on several military jets and blown them out of the sky. destroyed cities around the world and had gir send word to the irkin invasion fleet, to invade at once earth is doomed.

gir transmitted the message to the lead ship. and the irkin fleet moved in and began to invade earth.

jthmjthmjthmjthm

nny safely landed the battle pod when the main ship had appeared orbiting the moon. the two rulers landed on the white house lawn, and ordered the earth to surrender to irkin rule.

sadly the entire earth surrendered.

then, the call went out for the person responsible for bringing down the earth. nny landed the pod and climbed out with gir in tow.

zim's dead body was also presented to the irkin leaders. a celebration ensued.

nny was labled a successful irkin invader. and was given full control of earth as its cconqueror. nny smiled and then went on a killing rampage. he killed all but one of the irkin invaders. he spared gir. and nny lived out his days rebuilding the world as he saw fit.

"long live the irkin conqueror nny the great." bellowed nny as he saw his master plan put into action, no one would ever go hungry, and cherry freezies would be the official drink of the new world, and everyone would live in peace, work at their jobs and be happy as it was allowed.


End file.
